Narrative:

Arrived to park at a gate requires a 45 degree turn for 15 yards and then an arc turn and then final alignment. Ramp guys were situated to not have two guide men. [They] gave us lots of dirty looks and shrugs when we didn't move awaiting proper ramp personnel. One guy slid one of two wands to the other thinking I wasn't moving due to lack of wands. After 5 minutes of both engines running and us telling them by hand signals and radio to operations they put persons in proper spots to park at a dog leg gate. Last marshaller commands were comical as when he received us for final guidance he actually commanded a turn opposite the direction we were in on the arc to the right. Amazing. Approaching stop point he wanted us to go left a bit and he commanded that by bending his upper body that way with his hands above he is head for stop point; kind of like he was a kicker on a field goal. This would be funny if it weren't so sad as to what ramp operations at ewr are. Pretty sloppy. Asked for a supervisor and he got on headset after blocking and commented his appreciation and said 'these guys need to take this more seriously.' I'm starting to wonder if he means the higher ups in addition to my guide man group. [We] wasted a lot of fuel for this charade.

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Original NASA ASRS Text

Title: A Captain reported EWR ramp personnel did not marshal his aircraft in to the gate in a safe manner.

Narrative: Arrived to park at a Gate requires a 45 degree turn for 15 yards and then an arc turn and then final alignment. Ramp guys were situated to not have two guide men. [They] gave us lots of dirty looks and shrugs when we didn't move awaiting proper ramp personnel. One guy slid one of two wands to the other thinking I wasn't moving due to lack of wands. After 5 minutes of both engines running and us telling them by hand signals and radio to Operations they put persons in proper spots to park at a dog leg gate. Last marshaller commands were comical as when he received us for final guidance he actually commanded a turn opposite the direction we were in on the arc to the right. Amazing. Approaching stop point he wanted us to go left a bit and he commanded that by bending his upper body that way with his hands above he is head for stop point; kind of like he was a kicker on a field goal. This would be funny if it weren't so sad as to what ramp operations at EWR are. Pretty sloppy. Asked for a supervisor and he got on headset after blocking and commented his appreciation and said 'these guys need to take this more seriously.' I'm starting to wonder if he means the higher ups in addition to my guide man group. [We] wasted a lot of fuel for this charade.

Data retrieved from NASA's ASRS site as of July 2013 and automatically converted to unabbreviated mixed upper/lowercase text. This report is for informational purposes with no guarantee of accuracy. See NASA's ASRS site for official report.